it's one of those 'what do i do with my life?' days. it started as a busier-than-usual day at work, the drudgery levels of which are usually manageable, if not nearly suppressable, but then it came roaring to the surface when an all-staff email was sent out about the open position for a curatorial assistant. i read the description with a clenched stomach, hoping hoping hoping that it's low-level enough not to require a master's degree (it doesn't), desperately wanting to surround myself with interesting people thinking about ideas, which would be a nourishing environment for my brain, as opposed to interesting people keeping track of facts and versions of pieces of paper, which seems harmless on the surface but is mentally debilitating when you really think about it. but then there's the whole politics of even asking to change departments within the museum, of abandoning the people who so carefully taught me their...paper-shuffling techniques (ok) and who generally are charitable enough to ignore the way i slink into work late in the mornings and even later after a mysteriously long lunch. all this got me curious about what jobs are available outside the museum, which, by the way, is a very efficient way to further torture someone already deep into the let's-throw-my-whole-life-into-doubt game. i really didn't want to know that i could make $16 an hour freelance editing tv trivia questions until as late as 1 a.m. on weeknights and work weekends too, even on top of my current job; or that the magazine looking for a copyeditor whom they insist shouldn't harbor affection for the serial comma (wtf?) is, as revealed by some web investigation, an 'uplifting' christian magazine with sayings of the day and drop-down prayer menus; or that martha stewart magazine wants a copyeditor and pays much better than i currently make but still probably not enough to make it worth working there. or maybe not. does it matter, really, when the people at the top of my workplace are just as crooked and fake and vain and clueless as i imagine the people at the top of martha stewart co. are? and it's not like i'm at my job to get better at the job itself. i'm there because it's a particularly low-pain version of a profession i'm good at but not much interested in. and because it sounds much cooler than it is and could get me in the door somewhere else that's actually cooler. not so with uplifting christian mag, tv trivia, or martha stewart.

so where am i trying to go? what to do with this restless engergy?

well, for now, the answer is run. run run run, tendonitis or no.