once again, sunday styles confirms my worst fears about america

last week, the nyt ran an amusing yet thoroughly disturbing story on plastic surgery for skinny people. check out "do my knees look fat?" for a well-proportioned serving of complaints by enviably attractive women who are bothered by things like chunky ankles and bra fat. an excerpt:

"'I had a little roll of fat hanging over the back of my jeans, like a spare bicycle tire in the back,' said Dana Conte, a bartender in Manhattan. It was so obvious that her mother constantly came up behind her and pulled her shirt down over it, Ms. Conte said. 'When your mother is doing that, it means there's a problem.'"

no, it means you should lay off the low-rise jeans, or at least buy longer shirts. since when does a mother's corrective measure translate in a daughter's mind to a call for surgery? it gets better:

"Dr. Lawrence S. Reed, the plastic surgeon who operated on Ms. Conte, the bartender, said some patients who choose micro liposuction want to reduce such negligible deposits that doctors can have trouble seeing the problem when the patients are undressed."

why can't these women accept that if they look good naked, they're doing well? why can't they just avoid certain styles of clothing? (maybe that hasn't occured to them since their biggers don't, but everyone's so distracted by an actual tummy or bum that offense by muffin top is completely ruled out.) and wait, right, this is the country that likes to throw fancy technological solutions at simple problems. commission an expensive and unreliable missile defense shield instead of building better international policies or, hey, cutting back on oil consumption. develop genetically modified strains of rice that will thrive off of global warming instead of working to offset the trend. have costly and painful surgery instead of buying better-fitting clothing. i woke up (yet again) believing in a logical world, but the nyt reminded me that this is how we operate around here.

i, too, can eradicate bra fat—and for a lot less money. with no medical training whatsoever, i am prepared to surgically remove spandex and lycra-blend tops from malls everywhere. and if you think your knees look chunky, try gaining some weight in the thighs. that should do the trick.